“Cultural Appropriation” is an integral part of American culture. So anyone attempting to stop Americans from appropriating bits of other cultures is by modern definition, a racist bigot. And in that spirit, I propose a new holiday: Nakba.

As an example: Cinco De Mayo. Ask your average American what Cinco De Mayo means, and the answer will probably be some variation of “get trashed on tequila or whatever other form of booze is handy.” Ask what the *origin* of it is, and you’ll probably get a blank stare. In 1861, France invaded Mexico and toppled the government. On May 5, 1862, Mexican forces defeated the French and installed their own President. Huzzah! But then the French came back a year later, toppled *that* government, and installed an Emperor. So, you know… huzzah?

Cinco De Mayo is apparently celebrated far more in the US than in Mexico. And doubtless *vastly* more than in France. But however widespread it ain’t, the American form of the holiday has little to do with the Mexican origin. And why not? The actual events have nothing to do with the US, any more than St. Patrick’s Day does, and yet Americans of all ethnicity will happily wear green and cheesy plastic “Irish” crap and go get trashed, blissfully ignorant about tales of snakes and trinary shamrock gods and whatnot.

And to Nakba. On May 14, 1948, Israel declared independence. A lot of people were annoyed by that, including pretty much all the surrounding Arab nations. So the Israeli War of Independence promptly began when the combined forces of Egypt, Jordan and Syria launched a war of extermination to drive the Jews out of Palestine. Having just survived the Holocaust, the Jews of Israel were in no mood for such genocidal shenanigans and put up one hell of a fight, in the end not only surviving the onslaught but gaining some territory. It is truly one of the greatest stories of survival in the face of overwhelming odds in all of human history.

During the Arab-Israeli War of 1948, hundreds of thousands of Arabs who had been living in the land that became Israel left. Some were driven out by the Israelis; some left because they did not want to live under Jewish rule; and some left because the Arab military commanders *told* them to leave in order to clear the path for the Arab armies:

Jamal Husseini, Palestinian representative to the United Nations, wrote to the Syrian UN representative, at the end of August 1948, “The withdrawals were carried out pursuant to an order emanating from Amman. The withdrawal from Nazareth was ordered by Amman; the withdrawal from Safad was ordered by Amman; the withdrawal orders from Lydda and Rale are well known to you. During none of these withdrawals did fighting take place. The regular armies did not enable the inhabitants of the country to defend themselves, but merely facilitated their escape from Palestine. All the orders emanated from one place…”

Regardless of the reason why the “Palestinians” (actually Jordanians and then Israelies, but they refused Israeli citizenship and were abandoned by the Jordanians… so… shrug) left Israel, the Israelis did not want them back and did not allow them back. Given that Arabs  had just tried to genocide the Jews, it should hardly come as a surprise that the Jews of Israel would not be keen on importing a whole bunch of people who still wanted them all dead. And so the “Palestinians” holed up in the West Bank and the Gaza Strip, where they and their descendants largely remain… because while the Israelis did not want them, neither did the Arab states. It is now SEVENTY FRIGGEN YEARS, and they remains stuck in essentially a trailer park awaiting some fanciful “right of return” that’s never coming. So to the “Palestinians,” the War of Independence is known as the “Nakba”or “catastrophe.” Seventy years of catastrophic economic and cultural stagnation that could have been avoided if they’d signed on with the Israelis rather than fighting them or fleeing. But… shrug.

So, I say that Americans should start celebrating Nakba Day with all the historical accuracy and depth we reserve for the likes of Cinco De Mayo, St. Patty’s Day, Halloween, Easter, Christmas and all the rest. Turn it into a day filled with booze and celebrating, capped off with a night-time party filled with fireworks and bacon. Mmmm, bacon. Because nothing would be more historically relevant for both the Arab and Israeli sides than bacon, because BACON IS AWESOME. When it gets discussed in school, focus on the extraordinary history of Israel: how a nation of people  who had just barely survived one of the greatest mass exterminations in history gathered in a place that’s honestly just not that good, managed to survived *multiple* efforts to exterminate them *again* and made the desert bloom. How they started off with hare-brained notions of socialism based around collective farming communities (which at the time were not that hare-brained, as even long before Israel was a nation it made sense for Jews in the region to band together to defend themselves against attempts at genocide), and even though they kept the kibbutz, they reformed them and now Israel is a capitalist powerhouse, certainly in far better economic shape than any of the nations that have tried to drive them into the sea.

So, next Nakba Day, don your yarmulombrero, hoist a stein of colt 45 Malt Liquor, pour out libations in honor of Loki and Coyote, fry up a few pounds of bacon and sing a round of “Harvey and Sheila.”