The most “BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” thing you’ll see today:

Elderly store owner opens fire on would-be robber armed with rifle in Norco

Justin Johnson, 22, of Inglewood, Jamar Williams, 27, of Los Angeles, and Davon Broadus, 24, of Las Vegas, were each taken into custody in the hospital parking lot and booked into the Robert Presley Detention Center for robbery and conspiracy. They are being held in lieu of $500,000 bail.

The primary suspect, a 23-year-old male, remains hospitalized in critical, but stable condition, and his identity has not been released at this time. He will be booked into a Riverside County jail upon his release from the hospital, authorities said.

Heh. Weird that the guy who served as a buckshot sponge wasn’t named.

Seriously: screw those guys. Best possible outcome would be if that “critical but stable condition” upgrades to “room temperature.” Then not only is that oxygen thief deleted from the timeline, but his three buddies now get sent up on felony murder, hopefully staying in prison long enough to no longer be a threat to the gene pool.

UPDATE: the store owner is an 80-year old guy. A guy who had a heart attack not long after this, so the criminals should be charged with *that,* too. On the raw security footage you can hear the criminal screaming something; I couldn’t originally make out what it was, but now that I know it’s “He shot my arm off,” I can hear it clear as day. You can see on the video that his arm is still there, so the criminal might be exaggerating. Or, with luck, he’s not, and now he’s down one limb.