Get ready for the awesomest, most extravagant hyperbole in the complete history of not only the world, not only the universe, but in the history of every multiverse ever!

‘End of the world’ plague FOUND: Ancient illness returns that could wipe out humans

DISCOVERERS have unearthed an ancient plague that is so deadly it has the potential to end human existence.

Sounds terrifying, yes? Archeologists have uncovered remains of folk wiped out around 250 AD by the Plague of Cyprian (probably smallpox), which caused all kinds of ruckus in the Roman Empire.

But… what did they actually find? The didn’t find the actual plague, but some dry dusty human remains buried in Thebes, Egypt. As the story itself points out…

extracting the DNA from the dead bodies would be impossible.

He said: “In a climate like Egypt, the DNA is completely destroyed.”

So… this is kinda like finding one of Jack the Rippers victims, and headlining it “Jack the Ripper found, and he now has superpowers and could kill us all.”