In Britain, you can just blame it on the boooooooooze.
‘As soon as they were gone, Nick pulled me out of the shower by the hair. He started shaking me, saying I had humiliated him in front of our friends.
‘He hit me, and then hit me again, and then he threw me out into the streets completely naked and locked the door.’
She said he let her back in after five minutes, but she only had time to put on a T-shirt before he threw her on the bed and pushed her head into the pillows.
‘I couldn’t breathe,’ she said. ‘I thought I was going to die. I was screaming and screaming and to stop me he pulled my jaw open to try and break it.’
She said he then threw her in the bath, pulled her T-shirt over her head and turned the shower on ‘full and freezing’ in her face.
…
A judge found Williams, 33, not guilty of assault and causing actual bodily harm after experts said the drug, combined with alcohol and a history of depression, could have caused him to lose control.
Awesome. Next: drunk driving! Get out of prison time by claiming that you’re not responsible, because you were drunk at the time! Brilliant!
And in other news out of Britainland:
‘Follow the Islamic way to save the world,’ Prince Charles urges environmentalists
Mayor of London whines about American cultural imperialism for daring to be interested in Harry Potter
4 Responses to “How To Evade Assault Charges”
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The sun will soon set on the respectable Englishman, too.
Jim
It’s already set. We’re just looking at the afterglow.
My comments, in order
1) Can you believe that our law derives from theirs? Thank God we split when we did.
2) No wonder the Queen is trying to hang on until Charles is too old to inherit
3) Id10t.
Nice format, Brianna.
1) It really doesn’t matter what one does, then, as long as there’s alcohol and depression involved. I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m in Britain.
2) I’ve never felt that Charles is a bad person, but he has always appeared to be phenomenally easy to influence. Someone once wrote of him that he’s a pillow: showing the effect of the last person.
3) They’re welcome to do it in London, but Hogwart’s itself is in Wales, isn’t it? Maybe Little Whinging is really London.
“I’ve never felt that Charles is a bad person, but he has always appeared to be phenomenally easy to influence. Someone once wrote of him that he’s a pillow: showing the effect of the last person.”
S.M Stirling’s Sunrise Lands series of books have a similar take on Charles. He becomes King of England during the chaos following the collapse of all high-technology. He rules well for a while, but then falls under the influence of his new, foreign-born queen and then goes off the deep-end.
http://www.smstirling.com/