This article makes fun of a company that is flacking makeup for men. But while the company and its products are mockworthy, the critical article is itself also mockworthy. Because the article mocks the advertising strategy of the company, but never asks the most important question: “Dude, why the frak are you wearing makeup? You’re a guy. Knock that crap off.”

A brand called War Paint is using toxic masculinity to sell makeup to men

The purpose of actual war paint is to intimidate the enemy, but that’s not what they’re selling. They are selling makeup for men. The purpose of makeup is to make you pretty (or prettier). And that’s not a man’s function. Men aren’t meant to be pretty. Men are meant to be *functional.*

That’s why the phrase “chicks dig scars” is well known. Not, necessarily, because chicks truly dig scars, but because chicks dig the *stories* behind scars, they dig that you’ve Done Some Stuff. “Foundation”and “concealer” and all that goop does not aid in this. It just makes a guy look like a weirdo.

A man wearing makeup is like a back hoe with a nice floral pattern or an oil rig with eyelash extensions.

What kind of man wears makeup? The kind of man who colors his hair purple:

Don’t be that guy.