Rather than just complain uselessly about what a political disaster the new Netflix show “Space Force” is *probably* going to be, I decided to put a little thought into what it *could* be, if I had anything to say about it. So here are a few basics about what a Space Force comedy show *could* be. Feel free to make suggestions in the comments, and pass this along to Hollywood execs.
The setting: Top Secret facility “USSF Base Mt. Mysterious,” somewhere in the Sierras of California. Mt. Mysterious is the newest USSF facility, basically a “think tank” for the Force. Responsible for coming up with plans, strategies and new technologies. Total number of personnel at the base is, so far, only a few dozen. The nearest town to Mt. Mysterious is the small mountain town/tourist trap of Nowheresville, filled with the stock-standard assortment of eccentric small-town types such as ranchers, B&B owners, coffee shop proprietors, marijuana growers and dispensers, etc.
Regular cast:
Colonel Jim Bland (Steve Carrell): Just transferred from the USAF to the USSF and newly-installed base commander of Mt. Mysterious. A-political, but also a-competant. Has a proven track record of failing upwards; wherever he goes, every facility or project he was involved with is shuttered shortly after. Thinks the USSF is an exciting opportunity, but is forever getting bad ideas and bad advice. Cheerful and upbeat; gullible with the IQ of a turnip.
Gregory Laurie (Freddie Highmore): Main viewpoint character. Standard “Aspergers=mental superpowers” type, brought to Mt. Mysterious just before Colonel Bland. Not officially a member of the USSF, but he hacked his way into the base computers, analyzed some of the top secret plans on file, found errors and then sent in corrections. Was given the choice between working at the base and a deep dark prison-hole; jumped at the chance to work for the USSF. Good with computers and whatever else the plot needs.
Ida Dunner (Laura Prepon): Secretary to Colonel Bland. Competent and devoted to the cause of the USSF. Often “loses” orders to and from Colonel Bland, with the result that the base prospers. Secretly reports to General Bateson, while still being somewhat fond of the hapless Bland. Has an arsenal of firearms at home, loves to hunt.
Dr. Emmett L. Rotwang (Tim Allen): Mt. Mysterious chief engineer. Eccentric mad-scientist type responsible for numerous advanced weapons and propulsion projects. Most of the projects are seemingly insane…. and most of them work. Constantly fighting a battle against budget cuts. Dreams of planting the US flag on Mars and claiming the Moon. Has a prototype warp drive under construction in his basement.
Captain Han Ford (Anthony Ingruber): Mt. Mysterious chief pilot. Can and does fly everything, from the seemingly civilian helicopter used to shuttle into the nearby town of Nowheresville, to the bases single F-35B to the prototype spaceplane they keep meaning to launch one of these days. Spends a lot of free time at Dr. Rotwang’s house helping him with his projects.
Sargent Thor Manwell (Chris Pratt): In charge of maintenance and construction at the base. Poplar among base female personnel. Often goes hunting with Ms. Dunner.
Agent Tasha Vasquez (Michelle Rodriguez): OSI agent based at Mt. Mysterious, tasked with keeping an eye on both the staff and potential spies, cyber or otherwise. Also responsible for bringing Gregory to the base. Grim, skeptical and suspicious.
Recurring Characters:
Senator Pantsy Nelosi (Tina Fey), sits on the Senate Defense Appropriations Committee. Opposed to the existence of the USSF, has aspirations of higher office. A recurring antagonist on the show, is largely responsible for the placement of Colonel Bland. A large faction of her campaign funds are funneled in from China. The question is, does she know?
Moonbeam Causehead (Lena Dunham): Social activist in Nowheresville. Protests everything. Runs the local Socialist Feminist Collective Bookstore which never seems to sell any actual books.
Flower (Kate Upton): Another social activist in Nowheresville, a common feature at the Socialist Feminist Collectivist Bookstore and at any and all protest rallies. Airheaded, bubbly and cheerful, always ready to help… and actually an FBI agent who despises social justice warriors and is keeping tabs on the network of spies and saboteurs that seems to be growing in the Mt. Mysterious region. Clandestinely reports to Agent Vasquez.
General Morgan Bateson (Kelsey Grammer): USSF Chief of Staff. Gruff, arrogant but also hyper-competant and driven to make sure that the USSF succeeds. Dislikes Senator Nelosi intensely. Plans on turning the USSF into a force of warships that will lead the American conquest of the entire solar system.
Nole Sezob (Johnny Galecki): Genius owner and director of Blue Harvest Inc. A self-made billionaire and tech innovator, now working on his own private space program. Has a secret agreement with the USSF to carry out clandestine launches as well as put some of Dr. Rotwangs inventions into production… and into orbit. Outgoing and friendly; harbors a hatred of Communists and their lackeys.
Mr. Nupit (Alec Baldwin): Advisor to Senator Nelosi. Forever taking calls from Russia. Regularly visits Nowheresville and the Socialist Feminist Collective Bookstore. Asks many questions, leaves behind spy cameras.
The President (Arnold Schwarzenegger): Publicly supports the USSF. But privately…?
The staff at Mt. Mysterious work to make the USSF successful, to counter threats from Russia, China and especially the dastardly Canadians, and to avoid the bumbling orders of Colonel Bland. Over the first season there is a growing suspicion that Senator Nelosi is more than just a political opponent.