If you were looking for an uplifting story about a US Naval vessel with commanders who upheld the finest martial traditions with honor and dignity…. This Ain’t it.

Navy: Deployed CO Retreated to Cabin for Weeks

In short: Gregory W. Gombert, Captain of the Ticonderoga-class guided missile cruiser USS Cowpens, has been relieved of command. Why? Because from January to March, he “retreated to his cabin” for an unspecified medical reason… a medical condition described as not needing any such retreat from duties.

Oh, but it gets better. The Cowpens’ Master Chief Petty Officer Gabriel J. Keeton has also been canned, apparently due to “poor ship conditions.”

Oh, but it gets better. Captain Gombert is also in trouble because during his time hiding from his duties he was also having an “unduly familiar” relationship with the ships acting executive officer, the entertainingly named Lt. Cmdr. Destiny Savage.

When I read this, the name “Cowpens” struck a familiar note. It’s not, after all, a terribly common name. So I looked it up on Wikipedia. Where I remembered it from: in December 2013, the Cowpens was shadowing Chinese naval exercises when a Chinese ship parked itself in front of the Cowpens, almost causing an incident worthy of the idjits in Sea Shepherd. But the history of the Cowpens turns out to have further interestingness:

In January 2010, the then-Captain Holly Graf was removed from command. Why? “Captain Holly Graf was the closest thing the U.S. Navy had to a female Captain Bligh.”

Oh, but it gets better. Captain Graf was replaced with Captain Robert Marin. But in February 2012, Captian Marin was booted. Why? Because he was having an affair. Entertainingly, he was boinking the wife of *another* US Navy ships Captain.

Seems the Cowpens has had one hell of a run of bad luck in the leadership department.