For a number of years, numerous police departments around the US have been operating “bait cars:” cars owned by the police that are loaded with tracking systems, hidden cameras and the ability to shut off the engine and lock the doors remotely. These cars, typically expensive-looking, are left in high-crime areas, often with a little play-acting to draw attention to them. The police then watch and wait, and sooner or later someone will come along and get in. Sometimes the criminal just digs aroudn and steals stuff from inside the car (laptops seem popular), but they are caught on several cameras. Sometimes the criminals steal the car, and are now arrested for a much bigger crime. The concept was sufficiently interesting to merit a five-year TV series. The show is entertaining in that funny-yet-sad way that “Hard Core Pawn” and “Idiocracy” are, and for the same reason: these people are friggen’ morons.

Well, the Brits have their own unique take on the concept. Instead of cars used to trap the genetic defectives who think stealing stuff is a good idea, the Brits modify apartments. And not just with hidden cameras… they’re using chemical warfare.

Fully-Furnished Fake Houses in UK Run Solely to Trap Burglars

While the headline says “houses,” it appears they’re actually modifying apartments. One of the things they use is “SmartWater,” a liquid that is sprayed in a very fine mist when an intrusion is detected. The mist lands on the intruder and fluoresces under UV light, making the intruder glow green.

Once again this is an area of life that saddens me that we’re not living in a more sci-fi reality: would it not be better if bait cars and bait houses had built-in interdimensional teleporters? Instead of arrests and trials and all that, anyone who breaks in is automatically dimensionally shifted to an alternate reality. Or even just beamed up to the moon, where a few hundred pounds of water and carbon would come in handy.