If I remember my “Scooby Doo” correctly, there is profit to be made by trying to scare off property owners – or prospective property buyers – by dressing up like a ghost pirate and making them think the place is haunted. While that certainly seems a fine, foolproof sort of plan, a new wrinkle has been demonstrated in the UK:

Couple discover 7,500 machine gun, shotgun and pistol bullets in their back garden while weeding their pond

In short: a small cache of bullets (including the “2.2mm rifle round,” which I’ve never heard of before, but which sounds truly impressive) found in a backyard pond. How did everyone involved respond? Rationally and reasonably? Well…

‘It’s sad because we love this house and have spent time and effort making it a home. And somebody somewhere has ruined that. I don’t want to stay in a house where that kind of thing has been found in the garden. I’m gutted.’

Note that the math in the story doesn’t work:

• 2,200 bullets – the majority of which were 2.2mm rifle rounds
• 20 to 30 machine gun rounds
• two shotgun cartridges
• more than 50 9mm rounds
• 30 8mm rounds

How you get >7,500 rounds out of that, I don’t know. And just what is a “machine gun round?” In any event, the lesson here is clear: if you want to drive someone away from their property in today’s Britain, simply scatter a few bullets around.