Back in 1982, Argentina and Britain went to war over the Falklands. Those are a tiny smattering of rather underwhelming islands in the south Atlantic, hell and gone away from anything, with virtually no meaningful resources to speak of. It was consequently an unusual war: nobody was trying to grab goodies (there aren’t any) or expand living room (the Argentinians don’t really want to live there). It was, for the Argentinians and their dictator, one of those truly dumbass sort of wars: “a matter of pride.” For the Brits… the Argentinians were invading British soil and capturing British citizens. One could well argue about what Britain wants with those islands since they provide neither strategic advantage nor economic boons; wouldn’t it be simpler and cheaper to simply give them up? But, unlike, say, some uninhabited rock, British people lived there and called the place home.

The Argentinians, in contrast, once laid claim to the land, but hadn’t exactly colonized it. For most of its history up until the time the Brits finally laid claim to the place in 1833, it’s population was highly variable between “a few” and “absolutely nobody.” At various times the French, Spanish and even Americans landed military forces there, and the occasional fisherman dropped by, but until the Brits nobody wanted to *live* there. It is by all accounts a cold, damp, fairly miserable place… Scotland, in other words. So why the frak the Argentinians *still* get all pissy about the place it anybody’s guess.

And pissy they  seemingly are, to the point of cranking out some fairly amusing “The Malvinas (the Argentinian name for the Falklands) were always ours, and will be again!” propaganda. How they expect that to happen, I dunno, since the 3,000+ Falkland Islanders are pretty unanimous in wanting to stay British. If Argentina *really* wants the islands, the obvious approach would be to simply pay off the people living there. A million US dollars per person would seem like it might stand a good chance of buying their votes; a mere three billion dollars or so, and the Falklands can be the Malvinas without firing a shot.

The Falklands have been British for going on 180 years. Nobody alive ever knew anybody who remembered when the Falklands weren’t British. If you’re Argentinian and this sort of propaganda speaks to you… just let ’em go, because, man, they’re gone. Otherwise you’re going to ulcerate over something you can’t have, wouldn’t want it if you had it, and might do something stupid over. Instead, devote your efforts to colonizing, say, Eros. Even worse than the Falklands, but they can be yours forever.

This reminds me: one of the stories I wrote for “War With The Deep Ones” was “Falklands.” I thought it was pretty good, others did too. Might have to do something about all that one of these years.