Little Doldrum Books

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May 212019

A few days ago, a blog reader sent me an advance copy of an e-book he’s going to self publish for my review and comments. Without getting into specifics (no spoilers!) the book is a long poem that points out how long ago the future involved children dreaming of going to the moon, and how now, generations later, none of those children ever could have gone to the moon. Gosh, I can’t for the life of me comprehend why anyone would ever think that *I* would have anything to say on the subject…

Anyway, something that struck me right off was that the book seemed like it would have made a great satire of the old “Little Golden Books” that many of us had as kids. In pondering it, it seemed to me that a whole line of such books could be produced. Now, I’ve got *zero* ability to produce the sort of art that these books use, and I’m almost certainly the absolutely wrongiest of wrong people to try to crank out the rhymes and such for such books. But I came up with a few possible titles. If anyone wants to run with these… go for it. Just don’t forget to give me a cut…

“No, You Will Never Be President”

“The Ugly Ducking Who Grew Up To Be An Ugly Duck”

“My Little Doldrum Book Of Genocide”

“Nobody Loves Little Jonny”

“Get Ready For A Lifetime Of Student Debt and Social Security Payments”

“You’re Not Special”

“The Bullies Usually Win”

“My First Book of Nazi War Atrocities”

“You’re To Blame For Everything: A Little Doldrum Book of White Guilt”

“We Could Have Had The Stars: A Little Doldrum Book of Anti-Nuclear Activism”

“Mom’s An Anti-Vaxxer”

“The Happy Little Airplane Grounded By The GND”

“Daddy Drinks Because Of You”

“Heat Death or Big Rip: A Little Doldrum Book Of The End Of The Universe”

“Beauty Matters, And You Don’t Have It”

“Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny And Friends: A Little Doldrum Book Of Lies Your Parents Tell You”

That’s a fair amount of scribbling

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Apr 182019

For no good reason other than pure curiosity I gathered together all of the “Zaneverse” stories I’ve written and totaled up how many words they have. Assuming a standard of 300 words per novel-sized page… it turns out I’ve cranked out around 1,200 pages. This surprised me and initially impressed me; then I realized that Stephen King could probably bang out a 1,200 page novel in a single drunken weekend and I promptly became less impressed with myself.

The question remains what to do with it all. For a year I tried going through a literary agent to get “Novel 1” published, but he turned out to be a bit of a disappointment (apparently health issues… shrug). One of the short stories was submitted for a sci-fi anthology… but I never heard back, not even a notice of receipt of the manuscript, never mind an acceptance or rejection. Grrr. “Novel 0” is something I’m currently hacking away at, and it is specifically intended to *not* be published; it’s weird and from a literary point of view not needed, in much the same way the “Solo” movie wasn’t needed. However, having the origin story of the main characters put down on paper (so to speak) will help me keep things straight. Plus, I just wanted to do it.

Anybody know any literary agents who might want to be in on the ground floor of the next publishing powerhouse, sure to leave Harry Potter in the dust? Self publishing is always an option, but given that I have neither skill nor talent in the area of effective self promotion, that’s not terribly appealing.

Nerdvestigations of the Amazon LotR series

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Mar 072019

Amazon has been working on a Lord of the Rings series for a while now. Very little about it is known apart from the fact that it will probably be the most expensive series in history. All that was released about the series was that it would be set in a different era than the LotR movies. The relatively vast spans of time in Tolkeins back story means that the field is *very* wide open.

Amazon has been very slowly dropping the tiniest of hints about their series. Recently they released a map, something that Tolkein fans can appreciate. And when it comes to Middle Earth, maps mean not just “where,” but “when. Behold:

Amazon’s Lord of the Rings Series Confirms Its Setting, in the Vaguest Sense Possible

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them, In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. #LOTRonPrime pic.twitter.com/7TuQh7gRPD

— The Lord of the Rings on Prime (@LOTRonPrime) March 7, 2019

The world of Middle Earth underwent substantial changes throughout Tolkeins “Silmarilion,” the history of the Elves from the creation of the world up to the events of the Lord of the Rings. Consequently, a map can nail down the general time frame. The existence of the island of Numenor, for existence, indicates that the show will be set in the “Second Age,” ending some 2500 or so years prior to the events of LotR. But if you read the comments in the link posted above, it’s clear that some people have sufficient understanding of the lore of Middle Earth that they can nail it down to a particular generation of people based on the existence and apparent size of certain forests. If these superfans are correct, then Amazon is indicating:

it would seem that the map portrays a time period somewhere around 1,500 S.A., or during the creation of the Rings of Power, and around one generation before Númenor started to go into slow decline.

This all assumes that:

1: Amazon really knows what they’re doing

2: They’re not trolling (like having this set well *after* LotR, and the map just being an ancient relic)

3: Amazon is sticking to the canon.

Given recent defilements of canon in the likes of Star Trek and Star Wars, it is not impossible that corporate suit-bots or highly influential NPCs demanding “representation” and the like aren’t going to screw with things. Numenoreans and the peoples of the usual realms of Middle Earth are traditionally understood to be White Folk (and elves are *really* white folk), so a truly faithful series would likely have almost no “people of color” whatsoever except for roles such as pirates and slavers and barbarians from far southern lands… roles not likely to go over too well with the PC crowd. So on the one hand I would not be surprised to see canon-violations in the interests of appeasing the Offendatarians, and once you make those compromises, *everything* becomes mutable.

On the other hand: Amazon is spending a lot on this show. I mean… A LOT: at least $500 million. You could run a pretty good space program on what Amazon will plunk down for this. And when you’re spending that much… do you *really* want to piss off the base?

“The Andromeda Strain” gets a sequel

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Feb 262019

The book, that it, not the movie (and, thankfully, not the god-awful miniseries from a decade ago).

HARPERCOLLINS PUBLISHERS ANNOUNCES THE PUBLICATION OF THE ANDROMEDA EVOLUTION, THE SEQUEL TO MICHAEL CRICHTON’S WORLDWIDE BESTSELLING NOVEL THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN

No details about the book other than the title (“The Andromeda Evolution”), the author (Daniel H. Wilson, of “Robopocalypse”) and the release date (November 12, 2019).

Could be good, could be bad. “Andromeda Strain,” from my recollection, did not directly set up a sequel, but the basic idea that a space probe brought back an alien epidemic is of course open-ended. One space probe does it, another can, or it could come in on a rock, or just filter down.

Get drunk, be honest, go viral, get doxed, get threatened, hit the best seller list

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Dec 172018

Recently a student at Columbia went on, if you believe the mainstream medias narrative, a “racist rant” where he said such horrifyingly politically incorrect things as: “I love myself and I love my people … I don’t hate other people, I just love myself. I just love white men.” This was in response to being set upon by a larger group of people who berated him for having the gall to be a white Trump supporter in public. Since this is the world we live in, this was responded to by the likes of CNN contributor TimWise who tweeted:

If you see that as a call for violence… well, it sure reads that way.

So the world is, at least for the moment, falling upon the kid who dared to like white people. But he’s not just any regular drunken college student; he’s apparently a bit of a physics and math genius, who has already written several books on quantum physics. Low and behold, they are available on Amazon and are climbing the charts:

Which is currently #5 best seller in the Amazon Quantum Theory section.

Which is currently #12 in Quantum Theory.

They seem to be based on the idea that he thinks he has some novel new theory of how the universe works. Does he? Well… in general I am *highly* skeptical of any claims of New Theories Of The Universe because, let’s face it, there are thousands of ’em and the great majority are bunk. And the idea of a truly new understanding of reality being cranked out by a 15-year-old strikes me as something right out of a really bad Disney Channel movie. But for all I know he *might* be on to something. or he *might* be an engaging reader. or you *might* want to financially support the guy because for the next little while the authoritarians who hold the reins of power are going to try to destroy him.

“War With The Deep Ones:” Kickstart?

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Nov 132018

I’m pondering just how to go about self-publishing “War With The Deep Ones,” the collection of Lovecraftian tales I wrote a bit short of a year ago. It would be simplicity itself to simply upload the Word document to Amazon and publish it that way, but my prior experience with that has been… a bit disappointing. The trick as with most things is publicity, and self promotion has always been one of my lesser attributes.

A novel is by itself incredibly dull, graphically. Pages and pages of text. To give it visual appeal, it needs good cover art, something outside of my skill set. But it seems to me that a Kickstarter could be used to contract an artist to create some good cover art… and if sufficiently successful, perhaps pen & ink drawings within.

So… is this sort of thing a decent idea? And if so… what sort of “extras” would fit in here, what sort of target should be aimed at, and, not inconsequentially, how does one go about getting artists? There is a print shop not far from here that makes some high quality books, both paperback and hardback; they’re pricey, but they’re Made In The USA, which is nice. Seems to me that the basic project would aim at a paperback with cover art, with interior art if the Kickstarter gets to some high level of funding.

Any thoughts, comments, suggestions welcomed. Another stupid pointless doomed to fail idea, or might there be value here?

US Fighter, Transport, Launcher, Recon & Research Projects

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Nov 072018

Now available… four new issues in the US Aerospace Projects line.

US Fighter Projects #3

Cover art was provided by Rob Parthoens, www.baroba.be

US Fighter Projects #03 is now available (see HERE for the entire series). Issue #3 includes:

Vought Advanced Interceptor AI-0604R: a dart-winged ejector ramjet-powered concept
Convair Nuclear Powered Interceptor Configuration I: a single0seat interceptor with a nuclear reactor
General Dynamics F-111X-7: A stretched F-111 for bomber escort and interception
Bell Ramjet Fighter: A subsonic small fighter from the end of WWII
Convair XP-92: A post-war delta-winged ramjet powered supersonic interceptor
Rockwell D736-4 Supersonic Penetrator: the wings could sweep back entirely within the fuselage
Lockheed CL-362-2: A high-altitude hypersonic rocketplane
NASA-Langley TBF-1: an unusual supercruiser

USFP #3 can be downloaded as a PDF file for only $4.25:

——–

US Launch Vehicle Projects #5

Cover art was provided by Rob Parthoens, www.baroba.be

US Launch Vehicle Projects #5 is now available (see HERE for the entire series). Issue #5 includes:

North American Aviation 600K SSTO: an early concept for cheap space launch
Boeing “Windjammer” SSTO: A horizontal takeoff design form the early 70s
JSC Winged Heavy Lift Launch Vehicle: A giant SPS launcher
NASA Nova “Saturn C-8”: an early Apollo booster
Lockheed Reusable Ten-Ton Orbital Carrier: A logistics system from the early 60s
Chrysler Hot Air Balloon S-IB: An unusual approach to booster recovery
MSC Orbiter 042A Titan IIIL6: A shuttle design with a delta-winged orbiter on an enlarged Titan
General Dynamics Model 202: a preliminary design for a Brilliant Pebbles launcher

USLP #5 can be downloaded as a PDF file for only $4.25:

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US Recon & Research Projects #3

Cover art was provided by Rob Parthoens, www.baroba.be

US Recon & Research Projects #3 is now available (see HERE for the entire series). Issue #3 includes:

Lockheed A-2: An early design leading to the SR-71
Boeing NuERA 747: A nuclear powered 747
General Dynamics SX-109 “Pathfinder”: a subscale SSTO demonstrator
Northrop N-165: A giant U-2 alternate
Convair M-125: A high altitude/speed single seat recon plane with toxic fuel
Bell AMST STOL Prototype: A heavily modified C-130
Convair Nuclear AEW: unmanned, nuclear powered VTOL fleet defense recon platform
Boeing Model 818-300: an early 60s battlefield surveillance platform

USRP #3 can be downloaded as a PDF file for only $4.25:

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US Transport Projects #8

Cover art was provided by Rob Parthoens, www.baroba.be

US Transport Projects #8 is now available (see HERE for the entire series). Issue #8 includes:

NACA SST: a 1947 concept
Boeing CX-HLS: Boeings design for what became the C-5
Bell Operational Medium STOL Transport: vectored thrust for short takeoff
Convair Limited War Amphibian: A concept for a single plan to meet both land and sea plane requirements
Bell Hypersonic Transport 1980-1990:A two-stage turboramjet/rocket concept
Lockheed Hybrid Wing Body 757PF-Sized Freighter: a recent design for an advanced transport
Lear Liner Model 40:a small airliner/large executive transport
Boeing Model 759-153A Resource Carrier: A big flying wing natural gas “tanker”

USTP #8 can be downloaded as a PDF file for only $4.25:

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Shuttle Humor

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Nov 042018

The Shuttle Carrier Aircraft had a trio of posts that connected directly to the underside of the Space Shuttle Orbiter. Unsurprisingly, early on someone with a sense of humor stenciled jokes on them; surprisingly, NASA not only allowed those jokes to remain, but touched them up over the years.

Photos courtesy Dennis R. Jenkins, author of “Space Shuttle: Developing an Icon 1972-2013.” Anyone interested in the Shuttle program *really* should invest in this three-volume masterpiece:

Lovecraft in a nutshell

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Nov 012018

A YouTube video discussing number of H.P. Lovecrafts stories in an amusing and entertaining way. As is now required by the SJW Priorities Insertion Into Everything Act of 2015, there is a *lot* of time spent on pointing out Lovecrat’s racism. Additionally the narrator does not have a lot of respect for some of Lovecrafts… “cheesier” storytelling. But hey… Lovecraft cartoons.