Fine. The “Big Ass Hole In The Ground” award has to go to nature for this one:
Oh, and a question for any European or Asian tourists-in-America who may be reading this blog:
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
Over the years I have noticed an odd quirk among Asian tourists (presumption has always been Japanese, but I cannot confirm that) that I have recently also noticed in a great many European tourists (most notably German, or at least German-speaking) tourists: the elevator or bus door opens, and those *outside* rush to get *inside.* This is not only rude, it’s fricken’ stupid. The people inside need to be let out first, otherwise there is a needless “traffic jam” within that confined space.
This happened again today, on a shuttle bus at the Grand Canyon – a shuttle bus which spends several minutes stopped dead at each stop. Bus stops, and two scrawny German-speaking dorks rush onboard, and tried to shove their way past me. Now, y’all know I’m an even-tempered, peace-lovin’ kinda guy, but this annoyed the hell out of me, especially since one of my party is a cripple (yes, that’s right ya bastards, a cripple. Not handicapped, not handicapable, not physically challenged… the cripple in question self-references as a cripple, so if that offends, feel free to bend over, pucker up and bite my shiny metal ass) and needs a little extra time and space to exit the bus. Consequently I stuffed them into a small corner, making it clear that they did not have the right of way. Granola-gnawing vegan Euro-hipster stick figures cannot easily shove their way past an annoyed American carnivore on the upper end of the bell curve in terms of height, weight, width and stubborn-ness. Sure, they gave me dirty looks, but like the UN, that’s about all they were capable of.
So what this hell is it? Is it a common cultural thing to rush onboard a bus that’s not going to leave for five fargin’ minutes, or am I just running into (and over – but that’s another story of high hilarity, elevators, small Japanese tourists and demonstrations of momentum and the advantages of mass) a particularly annoying breed of lame-ass tourist?
So, here’s my little bit of advice if yer planning on visiting the US: calm the hell down. The bus ain’t gonna leave without you.
NOTE: I have no doubt that Americans similarly make asses of themselves while touristing overseas. I’ve seen “European Vacation” and watched Obama in action.