Jan 172015

For Charlie Hebdo Gunman, a Discreet Burial in Reims

This has happened before: some scumbag commits horrible acts, and either keels over in custody or his body gets scraped up after a battle. And so, now what do we do with the remains? Nobody except the other scumbags want his corpse in their mortuaries or cemeteries. So often the answer is “secret burial,” which still leads people to be cheesed off that the body of the bad guy is somewhere near them.


How bout this? Cremate them. Take the ashes, and dump them into the nearest sewage treatment plant. Does this not solve the problem? Or how about this: we’ve all seen dead critters at the side of the road. Heck, I’ve seen dead cows, horses, deer and even moose at the side of the road, squished by cars, trucks, semis. The county or state generally does not leave these things there, but instead sends some unfortunate schmoes out to go scrape ‘em up. Now, you’re  a state road worker with a week-dead bloated cow, all 700 pounds of it, in the back of your truck. Clearly you’re going to take it *somewhere* where *somebody* will do *something* with it. Well… why not use that same process to deal with Skippy Al Dedbahdi The Undead Jihadi?

 Posted by at 6:53 pm
Jan 162015

The publishing industry goes through fads. UFO abduction stories are popular for a while. Then sparkly teen vampire stories. And then starting few years ago, yarns claiming to be non-fictional biographies of people who died, went and saw Heaven, then came back. Many people have seized on these books to back up their religious beliefs.


“The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven” Recants Story, Rebukes Christian Retailers

In short: in 2004 a six-year-old (with the unfortunate name “Alex Malarkey”) was in a car crash, seriously injured and pounded into a coma. Two months later he woke up and began to regale with tales of being shown around Heaven. Small problem: he now says that he made it all up as a way to get attention.

Amusingly, he apparently tried to tell the world of this fraud a while back, by posting  message saying as much on the “Alex Malarkey Facebook fan page.” The moderators there deleted his message and banned him.

 Posted by at 9:01 am
Jan 152015

And all these years I was thinking that it was just a fictional punchline to English jokes.

How do I know that Belgium and the Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards are real? Because they’ve entered the exciting world of Jihad:

Belgian operation thwarted ‘major terrorist attacks’

Two dead, one injured and in custody. Reportedly an ISIS cell on the brink of carrying out a Charlie-Hebdo-style attack.

 Posted by at 4:17 pm
Jan 122015

This here is the kind of preacher who makes people atheist:



In short… he *claims* that he punched a “kid” square in the chest because he wasn’t believing the right way and was bright enough to be dangerous. In all probability, Internet Tough Preacher here is making it up. However, even if so he is claiming to be pleased with himself for the use of violence upon a kid for the purpose of forced religious conversion.

The video is a short crop of a presumably much longer sermon, and so context is lost. What he’s describing, if it actually happened, seems to have taken place in a “youth group,” which might mean that ITP was himself a kid at the time. But I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make it better.


 Posted by at 1:30 am
Jan 092015

While Islamists were busy making a mess in France, Islamists in Nigeria were showing those European pikers how it’s *really* done:

Boko Haram crisis: Nigeria’s Baga town hit by new assault

Numbers are vague, but the dead civilians range from the hundreds to 2,000, depending on who you ask.

Surt must be most pleased at his followers actions.

 Posted by at 11:52 pm
Jan 082015

Wednesday nights “Daily Show” had a bit of a problem: how to be funny in light of the Charlie Hebdo massacre. I recall the Funny Industry had the same problem immediately after 9/11, with a number of comedy shows simply going off the air for a few days to try to figure things out. Of course, the Hebdo incident is less of a problem there… a dozen dead, rather than a few thousand… and it happened Way Over There, rather than in the very heart of the TV industry. Still I think The Daily Show managed to pull off the right mix: they started with a good (if incomplete) commentary on the incident, and then promptly segued into the only thing that could be funny in the current context: Nazi cows.


Followed by:


 Posted by at 11:25 pm
Jan 072015

The terrorist attack in Paris was brought on because the targeted company publishes “Charlie Hebdo,” a satirical French-language newspaper that has published cartoons mocking, or at least depicting, Islam’s inventor Mohammad. The goal was not only to punish Charlie Hebdo, but also to discourage future mockery of Mo. It was, in short, a direct attack on free expression.

There are two responses that should be spooled up and enacted just as soon as possible:

1) Find the perpetrators and kill them. Or capture, charge, try and imprison them, if you must.
2) Promptly show that efforts at squashing free expression will not only fail, but backfire.

Most people obviously cannot do much about #1, but #2? That’s a game anyone can play. Unfortunately, it’s a game a lot of journalistic cowards are too *afraid* to play:

Some Outlets Are Censoring Charlie Hebdo’s Satirical Cartoons After Attack

As one publisher says in the piece, “what right do I have to risk the lives of my staff to make a point?”

That’s right. You have no right to risk the lives of your staff. So stop sending them to war zones, disaster scenes, high crime areas.

The article includes a distressing number of photos included in major media outlets that show the Charlie Hebdo magazine, but censor out the “offending” cartoons. Feh.

So, these are the ones that got censored. I don’t speak a word of French beyond “merde,” so I have no idea if these are in any way NSFW. So I’ve put a little break here juuuuust in case you’re feeling squishy about opening them up at work or some such.

It should be noted that Charlie Hebdo seems to have been a generally anti-religion publication. Do a Google image search, and you’ll see a *lot* of cartoons, many quite vulgar, that depict old-school anti-Semitic cartoons… and some seriously anti-Catholic cartoons (anti-Catholic. In freakin’ France.) And yet… I don’t see a whole lot of news items about how the offices of Charlie Hebdo were firebombed by Da Joooz or shot up by the Papists.

Continue reading »

 Posted by at 3:54 pm
Jan 072015

I just can’t snark.

12 killed in shooting at French satirical magazine

Three Surt worshippers attacked the offices of a magazine and killed the editor (Stephane Charbonnier AKA “Charb”)who was under active police protection, so that alone should prove interesting) and three of the magazines cartoonists, Cabu, Wolinski and Tignous. I understand that these are the most famous cartoonists in France.

Claims are that the shooters shouted “The prophet is avenged” in French and “Allahu Ackbar” as they slaughtered people, including executing a cop in the street. The three “gunmen” escaped and are currently on the loose.

There have been a multitude of exclamations of grief and sympathy for the French. I will say, instead, to anyone in France: good hunting. Go get ‘em.


Interesting timing:

Furore over novel depicting Muslim-run France


 Posted by at 9:13 am
Jan 062015

Documentaries purporting to support creationism, ancient (or even current) aliens, ghost hunting, etc. are bad enough. But there’s a concept so mind-bogglingly backwards that you’ll shed neurons just finding out that there are supposedly educated people who actually buy into it: geocentrism. Yes, there are people in the modern world who actually believe that the Earth is the unmoving, non-rotating center of the universe.

Self-Centered: ‘Geocentrist’ Movie To Get Limited Theatrical Release

Look, I know if you look into the sky, it *looks* like the Sun and Moon and stars are turning around the Earth, and that you don’t *feel* the Earth turning. For most people and most professions, a geocentric worldview works as well as a heliocentric one.

But you know what kind of person a geocentric worldview *doesn’t* work for? Forget the astronomers. Forget the cosmologists. It doesn’t work for anyone who uses GPS. It doesn’t work for anyone who needs to aim an ICBM. it doesn’t work for anyone involved in trying to put something in orbit. And I don’t even mean an orbit out to Saturn, I mean the simplest orbit around the Earth.


Look, I get it. Some people have a driving need to feel special. So they try to become celebrities, or politicians, or conspiracy theorists, or religious cranks like these goobers. But individual humans are, statistically speaking, *not* special. And Earth? Even more not special. We’ the center of precisely nothing, except a cloud of satellites and space junk that *we* launched. We are the center of the universe in precisely the same way that Mecca is the center of the spherical surface of the Earth: it ain’t. There ain’t no such damn thing as a center to the universe, anymore than there’s a center to a finite but unbounded region such as a spherical surface.

 Posted by at 3:42 pm