Nov 252012

Usually I don’t think much of blogging about non-news stories like some random schmoe posting some too-cute-by-half idea, unless and until something explodes, bursts into flames or undergoes spontaneous proton reversal. But this bad idea is the sort of simple thing that a lot of people could grab onto thinking it’s awesome, only later coming to really, really regret it. Why do I bother to bring it up? Because I’m a caring guy, that’s why. Same reason why I have said “no” to the idea of doing wedding photography… I may have a camera, a few skills and a little talent, but the risk of flubbing the task is high, and ruined wedding photos seem like the sort of minor First World problem that could cause anger that would last decades. So, without further ado, here’s this thing:

Instead of a guestbook, have each guest highlight their favorite Bible verse and sign their name beside it. They will use this as their family Bible for years to come. Such a great idea! This is a GREAT idea!

How is this a bad idea? Two ways spring immediately to mind:

1) How many people actually have favorite Bible verses? Honestly?

2) is *all* over this: there are some Bible verses that might be kinda interestin’ from a wedding standpoint.

Proverbs 23:27 – For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit.

Ezekiel 23:20 – For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

Deuteronomy 25:5 – If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her.

Genesis 19:32 – Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

Proverbs 21:19 – It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

And there was this wise comment:

What if you’re a guest at this wedding and are not a believer? Should you just highlight something from the copyright page?

Granted, if you have been invited to someone’s wedding, they are probably not expecting you to be a dick. But this is just an open door invite to any smartasses who may show up… especially if booze is involved. And from what I’m led to understand not all wedding parties are filled with people entirely thrilled with the choices being made… parents who think the forthcoming son/daughter-in-law ain’t good enough for their precious snowflake, former boy/girlfriends, secret admirers, etc.

Still, I think Problem #1 is the biggie.

 Posted by at 8:59 pm
  • Cambias

    John 2:10!

    • Anonymous

      Something about booze.

  • Anonymous

    Matthew 6:1-6

    1 Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.

    2 Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

    3 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:

    4 That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

    5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

    6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

  • David Winfrey

    O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,
    happy is he who repays you
    for what you have done to us-

    he who seizes your infants
    and dashes them against the rocks.

    Psalm 137 8-9

    MY personal favorite Bible verse? (caps to indicate vocal emphasis, brackets about a single omitted word which somewhat changes the meaning):

    Jesus CHRIST! [is] The same yesterday, today, and FOREVER!

    Hebrews 13:7. Say it loud, say it proud, scream it when you stub your toe.

  • Michael the Somewhat Civilized

    And many great destructions I have caused to come upon this land, and upon this people, because of their wickedness and their abominations.
    3 Nephi 9:12

    (I’ve been waiting since 1976 to use this one, in the context of a wedding. There must be more, and better ones. I should probably read more of the whole thing, rather than just open it at random, once.)

  • Michael the Somewhat Civilized

    Hey, what’s this about “spontaneous proton reversal”? How can I do this to …. uh, well, how can I do it?

    • Anonymous

      Cross the streams.

      • Michael the Somewhat Civilized

        I need to watch that again. Thanks, Scott.