The story is objectively *not* funny. But the way it’s told *is.* Bonus: as you listen along, try to guess how old the guy talking is. Chances are *real* good you’ll be surprised.
Sometimes a mugshot makes a news story about a crime all worth while.
In pondering my post about the Great Silence, and hypothetical advanced civilizations planning on outliving the stars to take up residence around supermassive black holes, I looked to see if there was an online Hawking radiation calculator and, yup, there is:
Easy to use; enter a value for any quantity, the other values are automatically generated. Some examples:
- If you start off with a 1 billion solar mass black hole, the expected lifetime will be 2.1X10^94 years. Long time. But the power emitted while that massive is a paltry 9X10^-47 watts, which might be a bit tricky to live on, even at a really slow rate.
- If your want one watt of power output, you need a black hole substantially smaller than Earth, 1.9X10^13 metric tons. The lifespan of such a black hole is a mere 1.8×10^25 years. However, this could be extended indefinitely. The lifespan calculation assumes that the black hole is left alone to progress naturally… nothing is added in. So as the black hole evaporates, it loses mass, gets smaller, gets hotter, spits out more power and, in the last second, goes out with a bang. But if you dump mass into the black hole at the same rate that energy comes out, the black hole will be extended indefinitely.
Now assume that your civilization wants to make it to 10^100 years at one watt. Seems a little low-power to me, but go with it. One watt ain’t a lot of power, but 10^100 years is a *looooong* time. One watt would require the conversion of 1.1126500560536E-17 kilograms per second, or about 3.9X10^90 kilograms total. That’s… a lot. That’s about 1.76X10^60 times the mass of the sun. If galaxies mass 100 billion suns, you’ll need about 1.76X10^49 entire galaxies to produce one watt for that long.
One could argue that that’s unrealistic.
However, if one could somehow gather that much mass together into one black hole (and I feel confident in stating “you can’t,” not least because the mass of the visible universe seems to be on the order of 25 billion galaxies), the expected lifetime of it would be 10^248 years. The diameter would be an impressive 10^48 *lightyears* and the power would be a trifling 2.9×10^-149 watts. This is of course much less than one watt. So how to get one watt out of it? Simple, slice a small 1.9X10^13 metric ton chunk out of the big black hole. How? Don’t ask me, but if you’ve got the ability to gather together a black hole that masses more than the universe, I’m sure you can figure it out. Now, you have a *tiny* black hole that radiates one watt, and one *gigantic* black hole that radiates approximately nothing. You’ll need to top off your small black hole every now and again to keep it’s mass relatively constant. How? Well, dip into the bigger hole. The big hole serves as long-term cold storage of mass, to be “burned” in the furnace of your small black hole.
Let’s say you’re a bit more constrained. You still need one watt, but you’re stuck with the mass of the galaxy, approximately 100 billion suns. If you can squish it all down into one cold-storage black hole of 100 billion suns and one small “furnace” black hole, one watt will burn through your supply of mass in only 5.67X10^50 years. That’s only 10^40 times the current age of the universe. If your processor is running at one-trillionth the speed of reality, that means you’ll only perceive a lifespan of 5.67X10^38 years. Hopefully you can get done whatever it is you were hoping to do in that time.
Other Fun Facts: so, your black hole has just about evaporated away. You enter “one second” into the “lifetime” box. With one second left to live, the black hole is only 3.4×10-20 centimeters in radius, but it’s putting out a toasty 6.8×10^21 watts, and has a mass of 228270.5 kilograms. Every last one of those kilograms will be converted to energy in that last second. if you’ve made the mistake of transporting your itty-bitty black hole to Earth, you’re going to make a heck of a dent with the resulting 4.9 million megaton blast.
Another example: let’s say you have a heavy particle collider, working with such power and speeds that you think it’s just possible that you will smack protons together hard enough to squish ’em into tiny little black holes. “Oh, no!” screech the protestors. “You’ll kill us all with your constant playing of god!”
Well… no. Let’s be astoundingly generous and say you can create a black hole massing one microgram, many orders of magnitude greater than the mass of a proton. The microgram-black hole will be at a temperature of 10^32 degrees. This is important, since the radiant energy at those power levels will produce *substantial” photon pressure at atomic scale dimensions. In essence, the black hole will have its own deflector shield, preventing other particles from being sucked in. What’s even better: the lifetime of the microgram black hole is only 8.4X10-44 seconds… and Planck time – the smallest unit of time that seems to exist, is about 10^43 seconds. This means that the black hole will cease to be a black hole in less time than it takes to do literally *anything.*
Ain’t science a hoot?
You want to go be an aid worker in a war zone? Knock yourself out. Want to drag your 16, 14 and 11-year-old children along? No. Screw you, buddy, that’s child endangerment.
Why, yes, God did tell them to do this thing. How’d you guess?
Further evidence of Teh Crazy:
“Our deal is that if there’s another family there, we can be there. Americans aren’t worth more than anyone else.”
Pretty sure this sort of thing tends to be frowned upon by the Secret Service. Imagine this was 2014 and the play used an Obama stand-in…
Stay classy, actrons.
Yet no confirmation, might have just been an accident. But it sure sounds familiar…
Of course, accidents usually don’t involve stabbings. But you know, Europeans are a funny lot…
Eye witnesses report that victims were receiving CPR after being ‘stabbed’
I remain amazed that people keep funding this. But, they do, and the design continues to evolve as the people behind it get smacked upside the head by basic physics.
An underground water pipe burst in Kiev, with fairly spectacualr results.
I’m sure I can’t be the only one to see this video and immediately think, “Hmmm, I’ve seen that movie before…”
Thanks to a blog reader for pointing this out. Once again, someone apparently incapable of doing actual science, technology, engineering or math is using the jargon of science in order to further the goals of anti-science rubbish. The possibility exists that this is another Sokal hoax at the expense of leftist nonsense, but if so they seem to be going to a lot of bother.
Let’s read from this Masterpiece Of Science For The Ages, shall we:
Reconfiguring Quantum Identities
I invest in Donna Haraway’s claim that “what counts as an object is precisely what world history turns out to be about” (quoted in Barad 2007, 42); that is, politics are about the hierarchies of what connections, or closenesses, are prioritized as bodily. All bodies are political gatherings, as what is understood as closely related, kin, the measured, congealing intersections of phenomena (social identity, histories, water, particles) considered legible/intelligible/singularized is always a political configuration, with systems and apparatuses (e.g., colonial sciences or clarity fetishism) set up to recognize these prioritized configurations/ separations (a “cut together/apart” in Barad’s words [2010, 240]), naturalizing insidious assumptions and hierarchies of value. And so “connect[ing] what’s been dangerously disconnected” (Rich 1987, 214) is directly political. Re/cognizing the connective/constellatory bodies typically not understood as connected (e.g., across disciplines) allows for embellishing alliances not following rules of typically understood closeness or kinship (space, time, social category, eugenic lineage) while also not discounting differing mattering realities (steeped categorizations). And, possibly, deprioritizing particularly naturalized, fetishizing borders has potentials for destabilizing structures that enable hierarchical othering (which justifies sociopolitical oppression and material-discursive violence).
Quantum physics disrupts the stagnancies of typically humanly recognized bodies. In quantum understandings, particles (classically understood as stagnant objects) also have wavelike properties, diffract, leap, and are quantumly entangled.
And. So. On.
Ummm. To me, this *sure* reads a whole lot like someone who’s just slapping together word salad in the hopes of creating another Sokal Affair. But these days, who knows… this could just as easily, perhaps even more easily, be another “Gender Studies” hack Deepak-Chopra-ing some quantum nonsense together in the hopes of sounding smart. I mean, come on… does this sound like GenderBlather, or someone parodying GenderBlather?
I specifically utilize feminist new materialist discussions of quantum physics and cyborgian posthumanism (Haraway 1985), along with seemingly separated discussions of noncentralized leadership practices and anti-oppression organizing, subaltern studies, intersectional identity politics, and safer space.
I just can’t tell anymore.
Now, I haven’t read the whole thing. Because, preponderance of evidence perhaps to the contrary, I do have some semblance of a life. But what I’ve read just keeps going in this fashion. And I just can’t tell if this is serious or satire anymore. In an age when people dress up in black, hide thier identities and go out into the streets in mobs in order to commit acts of bloody violence against people who simply disagree with them politically, and they have the astonishing chutzpah to call themselves “anti-fascist…” well, irony seems to be not just dead, but shot through the head with a deer slug, chopped up with a saws-all, soaked in a plastic tub full of nitric acid until it’s just a stew, fed through an incinerator and the ashes mixed in with the solid propellants of a Space Launch System booster rocket and then test fired out in the desert.